Hiding in the Back Seat
by laurabryannan1
Summary: A continuation of the conversation the three have in the promotional video for Champloo's second season at the beginning of episode 18. This is really dumb and very OOC, so be forewarned! Adult language.


**Hiding in the Back Seat**

…_if you were, you might have overheard this conversation. Maybe…_

**From the promotional film for Champloo's second season:**

Setting: Our three are sitting in a pink Cadillac at a drive in, watching scenes from the first episodes on the big screen. Jin in the driver's seat, Fuu in the middle, and Mugen in the passenger seat.

F: And now, the second season of the Original Samurai Champloo is about to begin. _Yay!_

J&M: (lamely) Yay!

F: Hey, what's with that lukewarm reaction? Put a little more spirit into it!

M: Forget that. What's up with that title?

F: Basically, it means it's a continuation.

J: What do they mean by "The Original"?

M: Must be because of all those samurai watchamacallit imitators that have been popping up lately, right?

F: At any rate, for the people who haven't seen anything up to this point, Jin will give us a summary of the plot so far.

J: (sweating) What? Me?

F&M: (M clapping) Yay!

J: Ehh…various inauspicious circumstances brought the three of us together…

M: What the hell does inauspicious mean? Explain it with words that everybody can understand.

J: (sinking lower in seat) …to find the samurai who smells like sunflowers…

M: He's ignoring me… What's he saying?

F: Beats me.

J: (sinking even lower) …the three of us set out on a journey.

M: Did that make any sense to you?

F: Not one bit.

J: Et cetera, et cetera.

M: (angrily) Hey!

**Promo ends. **

M: Oh, fuckit. We're looking pretty good up there, huh?

J: Most of the time. In some episodes we look really strange. There I was in episode 21, my shining moment with my hair down and no glasses, and I look like a zombie. Then later they made me shaped like a bowling pin. I was very disappointed.

M: I looked bad in that one too, and what's a bowling pin anyway?

F: Well, at least they don't turn either of you into a blimp like they do to me. They do that to me a bunch of times. How embarrassing! I don't eat that much, do I Jin?

J: (clears throat) Well…

M: They made all of us do stupidass things.

J: They made me jump around like a spastic dolphin in Bogus Booty. That was out of character, in my opinion.

M: What's a dolphin?

F: I liked that episode the best. We got to see your butt in that one, Mugen. Yummy! And I really liked seeing Yatsuha kick you around. She was great!

M: I don't know, man. Why did they make me fall for that stupidass line of hers so many times? I'm smarter than that, ain't I?

F: Not when the brain in your little head is in control, which is all the time.

M: Hey, it's not so little.

F: So you say. I bet it's teeny. Guys who bluster around like you always have teeny ones. Is it teeny, Jin?

J: (sweating) Why are you asking me? I think we should change the subject.

F: Well, I want to know. I mean, you guys don't have nipples, so maybe there's other bits you're missing as well, like G.I. Joe.

J&M:_ Aieeee!_ (both grab their crotches)

M: Hey, I've got something.

J: Whew. Me too.

M: Mine's bigger than yours.

J: I highly doubt that.

F: Cut it out, for god's sake! You two are disgusting.

M: G.I. Joe? Hey, how come we don't get to turn into giant robots? I want a kickass magic sword like Tetsusaiga. That would be cool!

J: Trying to compensate for something, Mugen? I knew it!

M: Oh, fuck off. So what's up with them making the sidekick taller than the hero guy? They're not supposed to do that.

J: Who says I'm the sidekick?

M: Well you are, you know. My stuff comes up on the opening song first.

J: I distinctly remember reading that the creators thought the show would be dull and one-sided with only you around. They made me taller and better looking. Besides, I'm the only one who actually gets laid. Methinks _you're_ the sidekick, little man.

M: No fucking way!

J: I am a totally original character. Everyone knows you're just a re-warmed, leftover Spike.

M: (deflating) Hey, is that really true?

J: Ah well, that was mean. If you're a version of Spike, you're a better one.

F: Yeah, I never liked him anyway. He's a _much_ bigger jerk than you.

M: (perking up) OK. Cool.

F: Anyway, _I'm_ the hero! This show is about me and you guys are just along for the ride. There are a lot of episodes about me.

M: Yeah, but they're the boring ones.

F: You jerk! That's not true, is it Jin?

J: (clears throat) Well…

M: I still think it sucks the big one they made you taller than me. Ishida Uryuu is smaller than Ichigo. It's only right.

J: Ishida is a twit. He sews. There is no comparison.

M: Well you're a twit too. All you four-eyed guys are twits. That's why they put glasses on you, to show everyone you're a twit. And why couldn't they give Fuu tits like Orihime? Man, she's hot!

F: If they gave me tits like her you'd do nothing but drool through the entire show. That would be really interesting, I'm sure.

J: Take back the twit comment, or else…

M: Oh I'm so scared. What'cha gonna do…_TWIT? _

J: This! (dumps popcorn over Mugen's head)

F: Hey! That was _my_ popcorn, you jerk!

J: Sorry. Here, have my Good & Plenty. (sings)

Once upon a time there was an engineer  
Choo Choo Charlie was his name, we hear.  
He had an engine and he sure had fun  
He used Good & Plenty candy to make his train run.

F&M: (holds hands over ears) Blech! Stop! Ears will disintegrate!

F: Besides, that jingle is so old, you're dating the author. She won't like that. Better watch it or she'll get pissed and make you do something weird in her stories.

J: She's already making me do weird things in her stories.

M: Yeah, so what's up with our fan base anyway? Why are they always drawing you in women's clothes?

J: Porcelain complexion and a body built for the catwalk, baby. (singing) I'm too sexy for…

M: (draws sword) You sing that song and I'll slit your throat!

F: Hey, where did that come from?

J: Is that a real katana or a Sears katana? Besides, there's some pictures on the net of you in a schoolgirl's uniform.

M: No fucking way! Where?

J: I'll show you later.

F: Hey, does this show have a happy ending?

J: We're not supposed to tell.

M: I think they should have us all get it on. That would be hot!

F: Well they didn't do that. If they had, I think I would have remembered it.

M: (leers) Yeah, you would've remembered it baby…heh, heh. But what's up with that anyway? How come I didn't get laid and Jin did? That's not right! The hero guy _always_ gets laid!

J: We've already had this conversation. Say goodnight Mugen.

M: Goodnight Mugen.

F: Keep watching folks! We love you!

fadeout


End file.
